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Your "O" Is Your Responsibility

 As a Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert I spend my time helping couples and individuals through barriers to their O. As an Orgasm Coach, I have been successful in working with individuals to teach them how to be responsible for their own orgasm. Think about how hard it could be to ask for what you want when you’re getting busy. If you have no hesitations, you’re in a special class. Most are very timid when it comes to discussing sex for pleasure. Their pleasure, so they spend way too much time having lack luster experiences. I'm an advocate for modern day sex education. Education that speaks to the reality of healthy sex. Healthy sex includes being able to speak up for your orgasm. How do you do that? You learn everything you can about your orgasm. If you have never had one, this information is good for you too. An orgasm is the completion of the Sexual Response Cycle. The cycle has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Everyone with sexual interest can complete this cycle.

I guide my clients and friends to masturbate several times a week. Each time, allow yourself to be very aware of what you are doing to bring on your pleasure. Before you jump to a "clinical" situation, you can use mindfulness in pleasure. Be very in tune with what moves your making, with whatever method you are using, will teach you what it takes to create your orgasm. Masturbation is fun, but sex with others can be funnier. After reading this, you should never have another lack luster experience regardless of your lovers’ experience. Learning how to do this may stretch your comfort level so do self-care if you read on. Be sure that you adhere to your gut and move at your own pace.

In order to speak up for your orgasm you should learn some of the language that you can use to explain to a lover what will get you there. For starters, now that your vulva, vagina, perineum and anus are all pleasure points. Within the vagina there are several spots(areas) that can be stimulated to orgasm. Some of these orgasms are shallow, leaving butterflies in your stomach and some are mind-blowing and memorable. For a vulva owner, these vaginal orgasms can be created alone and expanded upon with a mate. Here goes the good stuff. The vulva itself is a hot spot. Applying a little pressure to it will cause arousal for most. This is because you are stimulating the internal clitoris. On the outside of the vagina you can stimulate the clitoris, urethra opening, (Uspot) and the vaginal opening (Vspot).

All of the areas I share with you can be stimulate with fingers and toys. Figure out for yourself what sort of play you enjoy and build on that. This is important to keep in mind when you start to stimulate the inside of the vagina. The cervix (Cspot), Gspot, anterior fornix (Aspot), skene's glands (Pspot), the deep spot and the cul de sac can all be sexually stimulated. A majority of these areas can be stimulated with various finger play techniques, some of them require a folic to manipulate. Using toys that vibrate may be helpful too. The Uspot is located below the clitoris and above the urethra opening. This is where urine comes from. This space is really sensitive to touch. The vaginal opening is where things can be placed inside. There are over 8,000 nerve endings within the first few inches of the vagina, be sure to spend time activating all of them.

The cervix may be painful for some to touch. It is a firm, muscle that has connecting tissues attached to it. With a lube finger or dildo, you can apply light pressure and a circular motion to bring on a Cspot orgasm. The Gspot still exist under a veil of confusion and myths. It is located 2-3 inches inside of the vagina in the upper wall. (right behind the pelvic bone) Stimulation requires an understanding of angles but know that positions that tilt forward toward the front wall are most likely to bring on a successful Gspot orgasm. This orgasm is not to bring about ejaculation from the vulva owner. This is normal and pleasurable. The Aspot is also located in the top of the vaginal wall. It is about 4-7 inches in, right before the cervix. You may even feel the cervix when attempting to reach the Aspot. Often confused with the Gspot, this orgasm can be quite intense but often does not result in ejaculation.

Similar to the prostate, the Pspot (skene's glands), produce the fluid that is ejaculated. Pressing down on the lower vaginal wall will stimulate these glands and bring on much excitement. The sensation from this stimulation races up the spine and can be felt in the toes. The vaginal wall can be massaged and stroked to orgasm as well. Going all the way to the back of the vagina, passed the cervix, you will find the back wall or deep spot. With medium pressure, press against this space (thrusting only if wanted), usually medium is enough pressure to get you there. This is the same for the cul de sac. This area is located at the back of the vagina. You must go down into that space with fingers or a curved toy. It is hard to reach with a penis. This orgasm is intense and can result in ejaculate.

The vagina holds many wonders of pleasure. Learning which of these spots can bring you the most pleasure and figuring it out can be so much fun. Take what you learn and speak up for yourself when you’re with someone. Your orgasm is your responsibility, if you don't stand up for it, you will not experience it. While it may be uncomfortable to share what you find out, you will be able to gain all of the benefits from orgasm. You can do it.

 

Breath and Orgasm

 

Breath is so important in orgasm it holds the intensity of the experience at bay. You must find a way to master your breath during orgasm so that you can have the most fulfilling experience. Here is a little exercise you can do to train your body to breath mindfully. First, find a comfortable seat, be sure to sit upright, and take a regular deep breath in and out to prepare. With your next inhale, purse your lips like you were sipping through a straw. This allows you to control the air as it comes in.

Sip air slowly in, and engage your PC muscles at the very bottom, like you are stopping a stream of pee. Avoid the urge to clench your glutes. continue to sip air in and imagine you are zipping up the muscles around the energy that is lifting through the spine, keeping them engaged as you go.

Pull in your lower abdominal muscles. Suck in your belly button. Draw your shoulders back and widen your collarbones. Tuck your chin in and lengthen the back of your neck, looking down gently. Once you are full of air, seal the lips and hold your breath with all muscles along the spine are engaged.

When you’re ready to release, open your mouth slightly and imagine energy pouring from the crown of the head, down the front of the body, now softening each muscle group on its way down. Relax the neck. Relax the shoulders. Let your belly hang out. Rest your lower abdominal muscles.

Lastly, release the PC muscles completely and surrender. Repeat up to 15 times. When you are done, be sure to relax, and breathe normally for a few breaths while remaining in a state of surrender. Sometimes taking guidance from your hands mobbing up and down with breath can help. 

Enjoy the benefits of breath during your next orgasm.  Practice mindful breathing so that when the moment comes, you can tune in and have a more intense orgasmic experience. Good Luck.

 

"O" is for Orgasm

I started out writing about orgasm in my series The Sex Journals when I was much, much younger.  Deciding to make sex education my livelihood was an easy decision.  It is no wonder I never had an uncomfortable feeling around talking about orgasms.  I always spell it out.  I stay away from sneaking in an "O" for terminology. Sex education, modern day sex education is very important today. To me, being modern includes using appropriate language to take shame and stigma off the act of achieving orgasm. Even if you think that orgasms need to be something you have in the dark, in bed and on your back, you can appreciate the orgasm itself. A lot of people who have sex under these circumstances usually don't experience orgasms at all. This is a sad truth.  Orgasm needs to be embraced in order to be enjoyed.  If you can breathe into an orgasm, you will experience a satisfying finish. 

How do you get your orgasm? It's your responsibility to ensure you orgasm and that the experience is the best you can handle.  There are many levels of orgasm and it is a lot of fun trying them out.  In order to have an orgasm you have to understand the anatomy, master being mindful and have several tools you can use to bring on an orgasm.  Not just toys, but positions, hands, feet  or breast techniques.  A repertoire of skills is needed to create or receive an orgasm.   

Breath is important.  Controlling your breathing is important. Marrying breathing,  and sounds with your squirming and excited responses will increase your arousal.  Arousal is a must when you are generating an orgasm.  Engage the erogenous zones to get your mate aroused and progress through the play building arousal and keeping it elevated.  To get to your orgasm you must find comfortable positions and acts to do that will give you the most pleasure.  Talk to your mate about what works for you.  Open your self to the orgasm and breathe slowly in and out and increase your breathing pace as your arousal builds and by the time you are at your peak, you are panting. 

How do you get an orgasm? You masturbate.  When you can define what gives you pleasure and are able to tell a lover how to recreate what works for you, you will reach your orgasm and work toward increasing their intensity by taking several routes to the finish.