Thursday, September 21, 2023
Sunday, April 30, 2023
APRIL 2023 ISSUE 4
Shade Over Everything
ORGASM NEWS INSIDE THIS ISSUE: Cock Shaming
Are we still having these conversations? The length and girth of a penis only matters when you don’t take the time to learn how best to pleasure yourself and others.
The first quarter of the year just ended! Look at how fast time is moving. There does not seem to be enough time to continue living an unfulfilling life of intimacy. I am literally traveling the country spreading the results of my 12 years of studying the completion of the sexual response cycle and the pleasure that can be had to get there.
I partner with sex based organizations and business who support and align with my mission and purpose. As a sex educator, I pride myself in knowing the latest information from studies in the field of sexuality. I enjoy finding ways to put pleasure in these results. There are so many ways to bring pleasure into dark areas preventing your from pleasure.
I am guilty of overlooking how cock shaming effects penis owners. Not really giving it much thought because I know the pleasure of the penis regardless size and girth. Foremost, you own a beautiful penis! Not only is it your one and only natural part that you can give and receive pleasure from, it is the vehicle for the ejaculation that is required by the body.
You have a choice of whether you want to claim small penis humiliation(SPH) activity for pleasure or shame. This can be a satisfying method of pleasure for folks who truly get pleasure from having their penis of any size shamed and treated with acts causing pain and making you feel less then, because your penis is short. As a kink, this is fine. SPH is a consensual form of kinky play. As a way of life, this may not be the experience certain penis owners want to have.
This is the truth. AVERAGE is a perception that exist because penis owners needed to know. They are measuring themselves up against others when it comes time to seeing other penis owner bodies. Are you smaller or thinner than them? Is your’ s normal or is their’ s normal? You may have driven yourself crazy with the thoughts that your penis may not be enough when it comes to giving pleasure.
The average penis measurement flaccid is 3.61 inches and erect 5.16 inches long. While society seems to be stuck on eight inches, there are a few things you should understand. The average vagina is 5 – 7 inches long. You do the math. Top this news with the fact that 64% of vagina owners DO NOT orgasm from penetration regardless of its length or girth.
In Ohio, the average penis size is 6.34 inches. In fact when we look at average penis length by states, the top four are: Louisiana at 7.15 inches, Utah at 6.97 inches, Alabama at 7.44 and Vermont at 6.98.I bring this up because it does not matter where you are, how you eat, exercise or Jelquing you do, you have a tool that can provide pleasure at any size.
If you must do it though, to measure your penis, you should be erect. Stretching your penis will give you an inaccurate measurement. You should not automatically see yourself is less than, because the word average leaves a ton of space for other lengths. Place a ruler or measuring tape at the base of your erect penis and pressing down gently. This will account for pubic hair or excess skin, so that you are pressing against the pubic bone. Measure from the base of the penis to the tip.
Repeat this a few times over the next couple of days and take the average measurement to get your true penis length. Of course, blood flow, health and other situation will alter the length of your erection. You can measure your girth if you have a flexible measurement tape so that you can wrap it around the erect penis and holding the penis in the first position, you measure around to and connect with the size being the number near your thumb. Do not overlap the measurement tool.
The largest penis measured penis recently broke the world record of18.5 inches and measured 19.1 inches. Why the owner asked to be anonymous. When asked what it was like to have such length he replied: “the issue finding and keeping a girlfriend is challenging. Turns out, PornHub lied to me, and women don’t crave dragon dicks.” Vastly true. There is a slew of vulva owners who enjoy such length.
While not a record setter, Jonah Falcon also referred to issues he had with penetrative intercourse with a 13.5-inch penis. In an article written by Ben Cost (Oct. 2022) entitled: ‘I Have the World’s Largest Penis – It’s Still Growing and Sex Is Hard’ Falcon stated “Since my testicles are also extremely large, I’m cognizant of prominent bulges…it’s gotten thicker to the point I can’t receive oral sex due to the girth and intercourse requires a very slow entry.”
Cock shaming indicates a lack of vaginal orgasm knowledge. The famous Gspot is located at the front of the vagina, 2-3 inches in. Vaginas are not all the same! If your unsure, stay shallow and you should be on it. If your 2.5 -3.5 inches, you can do this in a missionary position. Find a balance and rhythm that will drive them crazy. Sure, there are smaller measurements that will require a penis extension to be able to give an Aspot, Cspot, Pspot, Deep spot or Cul de Sac orgasms. Some of these areas require positioning, pressure and force to stimulate to release.
No surprise, this means even “average” penis owners have barriers to reaching some of those spots. This is dependent of the length of the vagina. If you have a loving relationship with your penis, regardless of size, you can learn how to give penetrative pleasure. It is your negative beliefs about the size that keeps you from seeking help in breaking this belief. You can realize the pleasurable areas within the vagina that you can stimulate.
Want to join me online for more sex education? I have a Brown Bag Lunch workshop on Wednesdays at noon via Zoom. Best $10 you will ever spend. https://www.eventbrite.com/d/oh Columbus/shades-oasis/
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info@shadesoasis.com
Goldstein January 10, 2023 Average Penis Size by State (Length At Full Erection) Retrieved April 3, 2023 https://bespokesurgical.com/2023/01/10/blog-average-penis-size-state/
Cost, October 26, 2022, I have the World’s Largest Penis – it is still growing, and sex is hard Retrieved April 3, 2023. https://nypst.com/2022/10/26/man-with-worlds-largest-penis-says-its-still-growing/
MAY 2023
Tuesday, March 7, 2023
MARCH 2023 I S S U E 3 - Shade Over Everything
ORGASM NEWS INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
The penis
requires adequate blood flow for its health. Especially as it ages. There is an exercise that can help maintain a
healthy penis that is easy and painless.
Here comes Spring! A great time of year to seek companionship, couple up. It is also a great time to open your mind to more intense orgasms and pleasure. While there has not been a source for modern day sex education, there is one now. With twelve years of knowledge about the art of orgasm. I stand ready to assist anyone seeking to overcome barriers to orgasm. Learning about the body’s ability to heal itself through its own reaction to stimuli is amazing. My thought is, if you are going through the motions of intercourse, you should be giving and receiving in ways that create the perfect storm of hormones and chemicals to support your sexual wellness
Just about every
area of sexuality can be specialized. If
you know my work, you know mine is the art of orgasm. All bodies need wellness to perform at its
peak sexually. Our body’s ability to
create an orgasm is a miraculous, complex formula of hormones, breath, and
ability. So many moving parts make up the pleasure principle that there are
going to be times where we need to take steps to get care and education on how
to maintain a heathy state of sexual wellness.
In my line of
work, I am always happy to help individuals find their way to sexual wellness.
It seems that we are climbing from an age of shame and stigma around seeking
help with issues of sexuality. Still, penis owners do not talk about penis
health until there is an erectile dysfunction. Understanding the body’s process
in creating an erection helps you evaluate areas in your life where you can
make adjustments that will allow the body to heal and began to move in agreement
with the miraculous process of pleasure and sexual wellness.
To make an
erection happen, the brain, the nervous system, blood vessels and a few key
hormones work together to cause blood to be redirected to the penis causing it
to grow engorged, erect and extended.
Penis care is important for sexual wellness. Erectile dysfunction is real, has many causes
and can wreak havoc on a person’s mind and relationships.
Let me share this
exercise with you so that you can use it to keep your penis healthy and to
ensure your sexual wellness as your body moves through the process of living.
Jelging is the process of stretching your flaccid or semi-erect penis two times
a day creating micro tears that engorge when they heal. This should not be
painful. If you are do experience pain,
stop doing the exercise.
Some people
believe that this exercise will increase the girth and length of your penis
when it is erect. This works for a small
number of people and takes performing the exercise daily. It does make your erections last longer.
Of course, you
must know the possibility of side effects.
You can squeeze to hard, too often or too aggressive which will cause
major tears that will indeed be painful and could contract bacteria. The penis
is connected to the pelvis, aggressive can cause damage to the ligaments. In
the worst case it can cause permanent damage to affect your ability to stay
hard.
While the
benefits of jelging out way the side effects if you perform them correctly. Bruising
of the penis, soreness of the shaft, skin irritation from rubbing. Scar tissue is damaging to the penis. Avoid any activity that may cause scar
tissue. Just remember to not get all the
way hard. The purpose is to gently
massage and move blood through your tissues.
Of course, if you are fully erect, blood is flowing through the penis at
full blast and the tissues are filled with blood.
Again, pull back
on the pressure if it starts to feel painful.
Loosen your grip at the tip and go back to the base. The process of moving from base to tip should
take about 3 to 5 seconds. Stretch the flaccid penis. Repeat twice a day for
about 20 minutes. If the friction with the lube is too stimulating, don’t use
it. Just watch that you’re not
chafing. That is a big part of
jelging. While the benefits are great,
it is easy for you to do the wrong thing.
Another method is
to form your fingers like you are about to pinch your penis. Move your hands up and down, stretching your
shaft and repeating the pump again up to 5 seconds. Stay out of your head.
Concentrate on not creating an orgasm. Stress of any kind can prevent you from
concentrating on the exercise itself. If your curve is sharp, hopefully you
have reached out to a specialist who can rule out Peyronie’s disease. If you
find yourself with scar tissue on your penis, see a doctor if you find you are
swollen without pleasurable stimuli, if it is bleeding or oozing, seek medical
help right away.
Want to join me online for more sex education? I have a Brown Bag Lunch workshop on Wednesdays at noon on Zoom. Best $10 you will spend. https://www.eventbrite.com/d/oh Columbus/shades-oasis/
Tuesday, January 10, 2023
January 2023 Issue 1 - Shade Over Everything
ORGASM NEWS INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
Masturbation Master
You can become a master of your orgasm by taking the time to
figure out your orgasm formula. Knowing what your formula is will allow you to
come up with the language to communicate with your partner(s)
Happy New Year luvs! If you are into the whole resolution thing,
it is a great time for you to resolve to reach out to me and discuss those
barriers that are holding you back from your best release. Take a chance to
invest in your selfcare. Knowing the benefits of completing the sexual response
cycle – climax – can add value to your whole-body health.
It is important to process the purpose of arousal when
stimulated.
While there are so many tools out there to use, none of them
will work if you do not allow yourself to relax into the thought of release.
Allow yourself to get aroused and stay aroused as you enter the cycle. The body,
brain and nervous system are all affected by the stimulation. Your body creates
hormones that benefit the whole-body, your breast swell, erection develops, vulvas
self-secrete, and hopefully you become vocal in your pleasure.
If you do not recognize the phases that your body is in, it is
hard to relax into the process which will produce a more intense ending. Breath
is important, so is picking up the signal that your arousal is getting to its
peak when you feel as if you must pee you are near orgasm. Use this to take in deep breaths at the count
of four and releasing it for a count of four.
Then in for four out for two, and then two for two. You should be
panting as you engage in whatever stimulation is happening in the moment. Stay
in the moment and ride the tide of the release until completion. This includes
the post orgasm phase of wanting to cuddle, sleep, smile, and/or being
energized enough to pop up and make a sandwich.
As an Orgasm Coach I spend hours of research and understanding
of the anatomy and its role in physical intimacy. While science may still be
arguing about the ejaculate from a vagina, we can use common sense and appreciate
how the body proceeds naturally through the process. My coaching, courses and workshops
are full of common-sense solutions and accurate information about the human body
that will help you address generational conversations about touching yourself,
enjoying sex, asking for sex and of course having sex.
If for some reason you are not able to complete the sexual
response cycle, you may have barriers or trauma that is preventing you from doing
something about it.
There is no better way to learn and move through life than with
the pleasure of human touch and interaction. You can explore masturbation and
learn the best methods to get your body engaged. Learn to love every each of
you. Give yourself compliments, set the stage and again, give yourself permission
to explore your body for the purpose of pleasure.
Find out information about my events and workshops by finding
Shades Oasis on Eventbrite and purchase a ticket from the site. Join me for a
Brown Bag Lunch workshop on Wednesdays at noon on Zoom. Best $10 you will spend.
You do not have to be a member to get the link to the workshop. https://www.eventbrite.com/d/oh--Columbus/shades-oasis/
Saturday, December 24, 2022
DECEMBER 2022 I S S U E 12 - Shade Over Everything
ORGASM NEWS INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
Climax can be a place of euphoric pleasure or intense sadness. Individually
you can prep yourself to have that euphoric state that feeds your body needed
hormones. More importantly, it is a time for the mind and body to recharge and
to relieve itself of stress and pain.
Hello luvs!! Happy Holidays! Thank you so much for a great 2022! Your support made it possible for me to open my first brick and mortar. Shades Oasis has brought me so much joy. This year went by so fast in my opinion. Is that an age thing or a science thing? If it is any indication of the years to come, we need to shift how we are living and begin to live for our personal pleasures. If Covid taught us anything, it taught us that the definition of essential left A LOT of us on the front lines of a deadly war. It opened my eyes wider and has me making changes in the way that I move as a “nonessential.” I do not claim that. What I do is very essential and cannot be dismissed by an overseer who has never heard my voice.
I am
so glad that I am realizing this while I still have so much more life in me. I
recommit myself to my passion purpose. Like many things in life, we are kept
from knowledge that keeps us under a certain balance of self and control. In
the end, we have little control over ourselves. We are truly spoon fed what
“information” is “good” for us. Centuries have existed on spoon fed knowledge
that is controlled. While the lack of information is vast, some of it has
proven to be very harmful to us. By now you know that my work has been about
the business of sex education and sexual wellness. We have been given diseases
that are transmitted through touch. TOUCH, something that we need to live
happily. This of courses includes our most innate act of living. SEX. What the
government has failed to realize, is this has left us in a state of ignorance
that has allowed their manufactured diseases to exist for CENTRUIES.
Do you
know the number of lives we have lost to sex related diseases? Penis owners
have erections in utero. Toddlers with vaginas learn exceedingly early in their
life that the protruding nub under the flaps between their legs gives you
butterflies in the belly when touched. Sex is a natural act, and it has been
happening since before they started keeping records on sexual activity. Yet, we
spend more time on research to create medicines that “cure” or “slow down” the
progress of an infection then on modern day sex education that can prevent the
infection in the first place. There is
no money in healthy citizens. You have
got to protect yourself and be open about your status. We can make a change
that has never been done on earth. Eradicate
infectious disease transmitted through innately allowing the body pleasure.
For
instance, when Syphilis was placed in the bodies of Black men, did they know
that they would lose so many white and brown lives for so many years into the future
as well? Text will tell you that the origin of Syphilis was unknown. When
questioned about how it started it was said that it was because Black men were
so perverted, they had sex with sheep and contracted the disease. Ever hear
that?
Syphilis
has been around since 1948 and was widely spreading across the globe. History
states that the crew members of Christopher Columbus brought it back from a
voyage from France. But it was not until the Tuskegee experiment that research led
to a cure that was not given to those Black men of the Tuskegee study by the way.
Centuries
later, we are still dealing with this virus and truly little education is being
shared with us as individuals to protect ourselves from this and many other “diseases”
that science has created or those that are passed through the milk or meat of
animals. The answer is to scold and teach the harmfulness of having sex with
another. Celibacy was the message and just look at where that has gotten us.
If you
are playing Russian Roulette with your life every time you touch someone
sexually, wouldn’t you want to have some knowledge about protecting yourself
and finding pleasure in it? Wouldn’t you want to know the truth about what the
body goes through and how it can heal itself. How orgasm benefits the body in
so many ways that mentally we are uplifted, stabilized and balanced in a way
that feels “taboo” and it is not. It is so natural in every part of nature to
partner and to reproduce and flourish. The voices that govern have kept these
“secrets” so controlled that I see countless clients who have no idea that not
only is there pleasure in having sex, but the body produces hormones that heal
and soothe us.
The
truth is that sex is not just for procreating, there is more than one position
and there is more than one vaginal orgasm, ways to create harder erections and
medical benefits for completing the sexual response cycle known as climax. The
word orgasm remains a naughty word. Climax is more acceptable. Interesting
enough the cycle that science has created to explain the climax is the process
of going through four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. They left out anticipation, which
creates arousal.
Arousal is necessary for pleasurable orgasms.
The body produces several hormones at climax
that benefit the body in ways that can replace the need for medicine. Like
lower blood pressure and cortisol, relieves stress which can reduce depression
and relieve pain, even headaches! They even behave as an antihistamine!
Serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine flow through the brain and body and creates a
euphoric state that soothes us. Makes us feel connected to others and ourselves.
Yes, you can create these benefits on your own through masturbation but that
too, you need to overcome the generational conversation about how bad it is to
touch your genitals and to give yourself pleasure.
Twelve years I have devoted to the
understanding of the body’s ability to climax. Learning what happens to the
body, especially the vagina has been fascinating. Not because it can do things
that the penis born body cannot do, but because the knowledge has been kept
from us, on purpose, for generations. GENRATIONS. The truth is, there are nine
orgasms possible with stimulation of various areas of the genitals and twenty-three
erogenous zones on all humans that create that needed arousal.
Sex education has somehow found its way under
the umbrella of therapy. Maybe it is therapy. But it is also so much more. I
will continue to share with you all that I know about sex for pleasure and the
benefits of our hormones and the body’s response to them in the coming year. Continue
to follow me @shadeyontop and get truthful, tested and practice proven methods
of intimacy that we were born to experience. I am committed to helping as many
people as I can, realize the benefits of the “secret” of physical intimacy
between all bodies, all humans.
Monday, August 1, 2022
Tuesday, January 18, 2022
Wednesday, November 17, 2021
Tuesday, June 22, 2021
Your "O" Is Your Responsibility
As a Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert I spend my time helping couples and individuals through barriers to their O. As an Orgasm Coach, I have been successful in working with individuals to teach them how to be responsible for their own orgasm. Think about how hard it could be to ask for what you want when you’re getting busy. If you have no hesitations, you’re in a special class. Most are very timid when it comes to discussing sex for pleasure. Their pleasure, so they spend way too much time having lack luster experiences. I'm an advocate for modern day sex education. Education that speaks to the reality of healthy sex. Healthy sex includes being able to speak up for your orgasm. How do you do that? You learn everything you can about your orgasm. If you have never had one, this information is good for you too. An orgasm is the completion of the Sexual Response Cycle. The cycle has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Everyone with sexual interest can complete this cycle.
I
guide my clients and friends to masturbate several times a week. Each time,
allow yourself to be very aware of what you are doing to bring on your
pleasure. Before you jump to a "clinical" situation, you can use
mindfulness in pleasure. Be very in tune with what moves your making, with whatever
method you are using, will teach you what it takes to create your orgasm.
Masturbation is fun, but sex with others can be funnier. After reading this,
you should never have another lack luster experience regardless of your lovers’
experience. Learning how to do this may stretch your comfort level so do self-care
if you read on. Be sure that you adhere to your gut and move at your own pace.
In
order to speak up for your orgasm you should learn some of the language that
you can use to explain to a lover what will get you there. For starters, now
that your vulva, vagina, perineum and anus are all pleasure points. Within the
vagina there are several spots(areas) that can be stimulated to orgasm. Some of
these orgasms are shallow, leaving butterflies in your stomach and some are
mind-blowing and memorable. For a vulva owner, these vaginal orgasms can be
created alone and expanded upon with a mate. Here goes the good stuff. The
vulva itself is a hot spot. Applying a little pressure to it will cause arousal
for most. This is because you are stimulating the internal clitoris. On the
outside of the vagina you can stimulate the clitoris, urethra opening, (Uspot)
and the vaginal opening (Vspot).
All
of the areas I share with you can be stimulate with fingers and toys. Figure
out for yourself what sort of play you enjoy and build on that. This is
important to keep in mind when you start to stimulate the inside of the vagina.
The cervix (Cspot), Gspot, anterior fornix (Aspot), skene's glands (Pspot), the
deep spot and the cul de sac can all be sexually stimulated. A majority of
these areas can be stimulated with various finger play techniques, some of them
require a folic to manipulate. Using toys that vibrate may be helpful too. The
Uspot is located below the clitoris and above the urethra opening. This is
where urine comes from. This space is really sensitive to touch. The vaginal
opening is where things can be placed inside. There are over 8,000 nerve
endings within the first few inches of the vagina, be sure to spend time
activating all of them.
The
cervix may be painful for some to touch. It is a firm, muscle that has
connecting tissues attached to it. With a lube finger or dildo, you can apply
light pressure and a circular motion to bring on a Cspot orgasm. The Gspot
still exist under a veil of confusion and myths. It is located 2-3 inches
inside of the vagina in the upper wall. (right behind the pelvic bone)
Stimulation requires an understanding of angles but know that positions that
tilt forward toward the front wall are most likely to bring on a successful
Gspot orgasm. This orgasm is not to bring about ejaculation from the vulva
owner. This is normal and pleasurable. The Aspot is also located in the top of
the vaginal wall. It is about 4-7 inches in, right before the cervix. You may
even feel the cervix when attempting to reach the Aspot. Often confused with
the Gspot, this orgasm can be quite intense but often does not result in
ejaculation.
Similar
to the prostate, the Pspot (skene's glands), produce the fluid that is
ejaculated. Pressing down on the lower vaginal wall will stimulate these glands
and bring on much excitement. The sensation from this stimulation races up the
spine and can be felt in the toes. The vaginal wall can be massaged and stroked
to orgasm as well. Going all the way to the back of the vagina, passed the
cervix, you will find the back wall or deep spot. With medium pressure, press
against this space (thrusting only if wanted), usually medium is enough
pressure to get you there. This is the same for the cul de sac. This area is
located at the back of the vagina. You must go down into that space with
fingers or a curved toy. It is hard to reach with a penis. This orgasm is
intense and can result in ejaculate.
The
vagina holds many wonders of pleasure. Learning which of these spots can bring
you the most pleasure and figuring it out can be so much fun. Take what you
learn and speak up for yourself when you’re with someone. Your orgasm is your
responsibility, if you don't stand up for it, you will not experience it. While
it may be uncomfortable to share what you find out, you will be able to gain
all of the benefits from orgasm. You can do it.
Thursday, April 29, 2021
Breath and Orgasm
Breath is so important in orgasm it holds the intensity of the experience at bay. You must find a way to master your breath during orgasm so that you can have the most fulfilling experience. Here is a little exercise you can do to train your body to breath mindfully. First, find a comfortable seat, be sure to sit upright, and take a regular deep breath in and out to prepare. With your next inhale, purse your lips like you were sipping through a straw. This allows you to control the air as it comes in.
Sip
air slowly in, and engage your PC muscles at the very bottom, like you are
stopping a stream of pee. Avoid the urge to clench your glutes. continue to sip
air in and imagine you are zipping up the muscles around the energy that is
lifting through the spine, keeping them engaged as you go.
Pull
in your lower abdominal muscles. Suck in your belly button. Draw your shoulders
back and widen your collarbones. Tuck your chin in and lengthen the back of
your neck, looking down gently. Once you are full of air, seal the lips and
hold your breath with all muscles along the spine are engaged.
When
you’re ready to release, open your mouth slightly and imagine energy pouring
from the crown of the head, down the front of the body, now softening each
muscle group on its way down. Relax the neck. Relax the shoulders. Let your
belly hang out. Rest your lower abdominal muscles.
Lastly,
release the PC muscles completely and surrender. Repeat up to 15 times. When
you are done, be sure to relax, and breathe normally for a few breaths while
remaining in a state of surrender. Sometimes taking guidance from your hands mobbing
up and down with breath can help.
Enjoy
the benefits of breath during your next orgasm.
Practice mindful breathing so that when the moment comes, you can tune
in and have a more intense orgasmic experience. Good Luck.